I consider myself the Queen of the Underachievers and the opposite of a perfectionist whatever that would be called. And I'm here to tell you that both of those things make for a much happier existence! Also, the "race to the top" has also been called the "race to nowhere" and I think parents need to stop inserting their own egos into their children's "success." Easy for me to say as I have a lot of privilege and that means that I and my family float through life a lot easier than many. But I have always parented with the idea that my kids' interests and happiness should come from them, rather than from the people around them. So if my son thought that competitive sports were "dumb" I let him find other activities where he was engaged and happy. If my daughter didn't want to go to camp with everyone else, I enjoyed having her home! If my daughter didn't want to take AP Lit Senior year, no big deal. If my son only wanted to apply to one college, great! Did other parents question all of these choices? Yes. But my kids were thriving and happy and in the end I knew that soccer, sleep away camp, a particular class or applying to 20 colleges weren't going to make my kids any more successful or happy. I wouldn't say that I (or my kids) strive for mediocrity. But neither do I think that we try to "keep up with the Jones" or "try to be the best." I'm happy with a mostly tidy house, because I understand that I'm fortunate to have a house at all! And keeping it only "mostly" tidy allows me time to read and enjoy life! That's good enough for me! I'll jump off my soapbox now...
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. As someone who has strived for exceptionalism all my life so far, I have been really asking myself how well it has served me in different phases of my career.
Shreya- such an interesting question. The older I get the more I realize how few things in life are clear cut... I am sure you were both helped and not if I were to guess?
I consider myself the Queen of the Underachievers and the opposite of a perfectionist whatever that would be called. And I'm here to tell you that both of those things make for a much happier existence! Also, the "race to the top" has also been called the "race to nowhere" and I think parents need to stop inserting their own egos into their children's "success." Easy for me to say as I have a lot of privilege and that means that I and my family float through life a lot easier than many. But I have always parented with the idea that my kids' interests and happiness should come from them, rather than from the people around them. So if my son thought that competitive sports were "dumb" I let him find other activities where he was engaged and happy. If my daughter didn't want to go to camp with everyone else, I enjoyed having her home! If my daughter didn't want to take AP Lit Senior year, no big deal. If my son only wanted to apply to one college, great! Did other parents question all of these choices? Yes. But my kids were thriving and happy and in the end I knew that soccer, sleep away camp, a particular class or applying to 20 colleges weren't going to make my kids any more successful or happy. I wouldn't say that I (or my kids) strive for mediocrity. But neither do I think that we try to "keep up with the Jones" or "try to be the best." I'm happy with a mostly tidy house, because I understand that I'm fortunate to have a house at all! And keeping it only "mostly" tidy allows me time to read and enjoy life! That's good enough for me! I'll jump off my soapbox now...
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. As someone who has strived for exceptionalism all my life so far, I have been really asking myself how well it has served me in different phases of my career.
Shreya- such an interesting question. The older I get the more I realize how few things in life are clear cut... I am sure you were both helped and not if I were to guess?